SPOIL!!! PAIN!!!
Friday, January 19th, 2007Well, post motem meeting and also PR had left a very deep scar in my heart! i will never forget this day…Well, basically im those person who love the pain, i really hope this is a bonebreaking pain, bruises pain, bloody pain. But heart pain is the most painful pain among all. Eventhough the hardest pain i encounter such as physical pain during my breakdancing, it is not as painful as your group member evantually think that after all things you did, is a zero. And indeed, it happened to me after so many years i’ved been living in this world. It is very hard to accept in front of crowd, and i was like stab in front of my heart with a very very sharp knife, without any preparation, killed by assasin! i was numb how can she say those things? i really don’t have any preparation at all after all the things i have done.
Perhaps i sucks, i never do anything, but after all the things i contributed, there were no compliments but only complain. My friend was right, she say that somebody dislike us, i don’t believe because i thought we are one team!! we bear all the roughness and obstacles during the campaign going on and this is what i get in return. Im sorry friend!! should have believe in you, and im sorry to what happened to you too!!i never expect theres any compliment from u all, but we all really have to work as a group! Things always goes bad to me every second in my life! My reputation spoiled, perhaps i don’t have any reputation at all, but no matter how, im still a human, i borned from a family, i got my own parents, i have my own self-esteem, my own respect! its very painful when u know u actually don’t worth anything but just a vase in a group! and in front of so many people, what can i do?
When they wanted to past me the mic to say something, i really wanted to say something!! i really really wanted to grab the mic to defend myself! but my conscience tells me, it is not important that how people feel about u, how people stereotype or look at you! The most important is GOD knows what am i doing! and i just don’t wanted to say anything from that moment. Is it a shame for me? or a pride for me? is not important anymore! Jason is always a loser in people’s mind… And im so sorry to say myself like that, and everybody in the course knows who i m! is it still a compliment?
Trying to cheer myself up, where are my friends when i am sad? When i heard other group say that they worked as a family, im so jealous and envy their spirit! i try to work as a family with my group as well… but…its not working, Where is God when im having trouble? Where is God when im sad? Where is God when im down? Where is God? im scare to face myself and my fellow friends now, its a shame and i can hardly accept it! When i sleep at my bed just now, i relly hope after a sleep, everything will be fine, i really hope its a dream that everything will dissappear, but in fact it is not, it happened……It takes time to bandage my heart back and it even takes time to heal, guess this is a big surprise from GOD before i graduate, indeed Jason is a freaking "LAZY" person. He never attend meeting in the group! YES he slept during a meeting goin on, He never helped the group and was having fun every moment. Precisely, he contribute nothing but just an extra member inside the group…YES Jason is always LAZY that he is indeed not important anymore in this society…Jason Jason Jason Jason Jason, its over!!! and im not Jason anymore…Don’t ever call me Jason, im not worth with that beautiful name, just freaking call me RUBBISH already!!!
a person who spoiled his name called Jason eventually change his name to Rubbish!!
